Finding a loving partner at 30 years of age isn’t that much different from wanting to find one when you’ve reached 60 years of age. We do need to remember that life long relationships are forged through a labyrinth of time, of love and through many shared memories that require us to possess a selfless attitude and the preparedness to make compromises over many long decades, especially, if things are to stand the test of time. Are you looking for love in retirement or perhaps wanting to start over again? A sensible place to start your journey is to first recognise where you have gotten stuck in the past.
The internet has been a boon for helping people of all ages find new partners, unearthing friendships from afar and with a swish of a magic wand they can arrive conveniently at your doorstep but, for many, reaching out is difficult and the fear of loneliness very real. Our desires can cloud our vision and our thoughts can be our worst enemy. For this reason, retirement villages have become increasingly popular and can really take the pressure off the big decisions. However, not everyone is settling comfortably into these environments. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, understanding this difference can either give us the courage to venture into a new relationship or perhaps the tendency to keep holding back regardless of where you may be living… Love could simply pass us by if all we do is wait in hope. The problem is that when you’re older, taking risks gets so much harder.
“ If the passions are the mind’s great dramas, the emotions are it’s actors “ Matthieu Ricard.
Blockages of the heart start early in life and by the time retirement comes around you’ve probably had a pretty good shot at trying to find your own version of lasting happiness. All of us find degrees of happiness in the many small moments of daily life but if we attempt to hold onto these feelings permanently it becomes frustratingly difficult to achieve. Blaming others tends to be our default position when things don’t work out. The harder we try to keep things the same the more we tend to see the moment slipping away. Hope always rises up when we reach out to another but we constantly struggle against our own human nature: the very act of wanting to capture something that can never truly last. It’s the same reality for everyone and worth investigating. If we can begin with clear intentions then it’s easier to understand the mystery of love and why it can slip away just when you think you’ve found it.
Risk vs Reward
What is the thing that we are all seeking? For most, it’s probably happiness. It’s natural that many of us are searching for it in another person rather than hoping that the new car, renovated house or the fancy holiday will do the trick. Everything we do in this life carries risk, we way up the options, make plans, adjust our expectations and then, we either dive in hoping that the reward will come or we chicken out, mostly being scared of what might happen. Uncertainty and doubt can be the biggest killer of spontaneity so throwing a bit of caution to the wind can be the spark that’s needed to find happiness. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say. In most cases, though it will be fear of change holding you back.
Friendship vs Love
Finding a friend to share your interests with can be like discovering a pot of gold, a cherished hour that fills a gap in one’s life allowing the time to just slip away whilst enjoying the occasion with another. Love can be a complex mystery but companionship can be a welcome relief from always wanting more. Being relaxed and calm in others company offers a balm for our excited emotions, a quiet fellowship that rewards without the pressure to give more, it can fill a huge gap that gratifies well into our retiring years.
Being Active vs Finding Love
Positive social involvement, sports, music and becoming active in volunteer organisations amongst many other things is about having clear choices, a clear intention .. Giving to others is like a boomerang that is always coming back to us. How you see yourself is often the way you tend to see others, grumpy people always see grumpiness in others. Happiness becomes a conscious choice if your being mindful and love may arrive quiet unexpectedly but, it will always remain a mystery of chemistry rooted in the universe.
Self-reflection is always important before jumping off into any new venture. Love is not a gift bestowed on us from above, it simply doesn’t appear out of anywhere. It depends on us alone. Just as one’s efforts throughout a lifetime have helped you arrive at a point where it’s now possible to move comfortably into your retirement, finding happiness in retirement depends on your continued patience and your renewed efforts to recognise and adjust your fixed thinking patterns in order to change yourself. Age isn’t the barrier to finding a loving friendship or a peaceful life, our disruptive emotional patterns and unmoveable beliefs are the cause of these deeper core issues. It’s where we get stuck.
We search our entire lives, wishing to be connected with the people close to us but our modern world gets in the way. The noise can be intense. We grow up into a life of competition where being an individual is all that matters, outward appearances count, getting what you need at any cost and above all becoming someone special. Finding contentment is therefore a struggle regardless of how old we are. The push for us to feel special breeds resentment and if we fail, then what? If we feel unworthy how can we hope to find love? Perhaps the final chess move needed in the game of love is to find out why you don’t love yourself enough before turning to ask others why they don’t love you back. Whatever may have occurred in the past and whatever is going to happen in the future it’s worth realising that if it wasn’t for all your wonderful triumphs, defeats, joy, sadness and pain you wouldn’t know who you are now. Acceptance is the key to finding love.
