Many of us struggle to understand the meaning of life, stopping often enough to wonder if we have been travelling along the right path, sometimes we may realise it’s been a long road to nowhere. Arriving at this uncertain crossroads we call retirement is more about being connected to our present feelings and the immediacy of the situation and less about acting from old patterns whilst wishing for things to be other than they are. The power of being still at the right moment can be life-changing.

When so much around me is disappearing I’m tempted to run as fast as possible to fill up the gap. How do I replace this busy life? – may not be the right question to ask. An interesting story I came across of late is how older school teachers appear to be leaving the profession in far greater numbers than expected. One documented reason is an ever-increasing demand from parents that their child needs to be treated as a unique individual, someone that’s special. Many teachers will rightly argue that in a class of 50 how can each child be treated as special?

Well, if you want to be special then you had better start early and learn all the tricks of how to stand out from the crowd. Be a professional they say, be famous, be rich, be beautiful, be popular, be amazing, be creative and above all don’t be boring. So many stories to latch onto but what happens when you spend your life defining ‘who you are’ as being your job, or the guy that bowls and dresses really well or the person that didn’t make it and got divorced and now lives alone, how terrible. The image of needing to be special can certainly have its drawbacks. You might ask, “Have I been designing a life that seems to have vaporised”.

Any transition in life has its own challenges but change is not always about ‘what’s happening’ it’s also about the way you are showing up and what you identify with.  Are you bringing stillness and awareness to what’s happening or are you so caught up in the thinking and the analysing that it’s making you depressed? The next logical question is: “How do I get back to being special” but again, it’s the wrong question. What new job is out there for me, do I need a new relationship or maybe a new social group, a boot camp, a hobby that could do the trick, oh…. it’s all so difficult to find myself.

Retirement needs plenty of preparation but it’s no more special or difficult than organising a family wedding or a funeral. Perhaps one difference is that we have packed so many dreams and expectations into our retirement plans that we never dreamt of possibly getting stuck in an unfulfilling rut. Once the gloss of retirement wears off the disenchantment kicks in and then it’s back to ‘who the hell am I’ and importantly, am I still feeling special

One’s identity can often be shaped by our need to be accepted and we tend to create an image inside our heads of how life should be, and depending on our circumstances, we move through life constantly shifting our focus to make that idea, that vision, come true. Our identity can then become the labels we wear and how others perceive us. It’s a life on very shacky ground.

If you are ready, you may have already experienced a few moments of stillness where you have been able to stop thinking for a brief moment. You may have felt or sensed this space is special. Some call it your inner essence, others atman, many call it God’s grace.  Many spiritual or religious practices teach how to move from the outer world to the inner world, we learn that we are more than just our feelings and thoughts and if it’s God, Krishna, Buddha or Muhammad they all profess the same thing, there’s a deeper place that’s always available.

There are many retirees that have found a renewed sense of purpose in life but that doesn’t come from sitting in the same seat, doing the same things with the same people and hoping change will come. Finding meaning in life is not so much about ‘knowing’ what to do on an intellectual level but ‘experiencing’ a deeper me and learning to ‘identify’ with that inner essence. Getting out of your comfort zone is key to pushing this reset button.

Sure there’s emotional loss when you quit work but now is the right time to get over it, stepping away from any kind of relationship is scary but if you continue to see ‘time as your enemy’ then where will you go to set yourself free? If your not caught up, stressed out or anxious about how others ‘see you’ then your purpose and life’s meaning will open slowly in times of stillness.Concentrating on one thing at a time may be the single most important element of achieving happiness.

We’ll finish up today with these words from the 20th-century Indian saint Ramana Maharshi – as it pretty much sums up the whole deal.

“Any form or shape is the cause of trouble. Give up the notion that ‘I am so and so.’ All that is required to realize the self is to be still…The knowledge of oneself will be revealed only to the consciousness which is silent, clear and free from the activity of the agitated and suffering mind.”