The Science of Change

Retirement is not what it used to be. External events are causing a great deal of havoc to our plans and, like all things in life, if we believe strongly enough in our goals, our mission, then we will buckle up and get ready to pass through increasing difficulty challenges to get there. Unfortunately, our life skills have been focused primarily on work and how to save up enough money to get off the wheel. Much of our lives are spent feeling stuck on this treadmill wondering; Will I make it and why am I missing out when others are doing well? The ones doing well are those standing back watching the wheel spin, they’re not running to keep up with it.

Approaching retirement, getting married, experiencing death, arranging dinners with friends and that long-planned family holiday all have one thing in common, we wish for a satisfying conclusion to all our well thought out preparations, all our efforts, a pat on the back. But what if things don’t go as planned, do we end up just losing heart, giving up. Many of our best-laid plans are sabotaged by this rising doubt. We mistake everything as being personal, we make it about us.

We are all interested in what’s good and beautiful and we don’t wish to be connected with anything that could vaguely be called suffering, that’s bad right? But what if feeling unsatisfactory was the way out. It’s the suffering in the heart that causes us to want to escape in the first place. Our efforts to keep doing the same things are habitual but we feel safe there, even if it’s boring and unsatisfying. If we are ready to break this cycle we have to be ready to face ourselves, but if facing our pain is too hard then we must ultimately fail. If we want to know what’s going on we have to walk across the hot coals, we have to become the warrior, if that scares you great, it’s the perfect place to begin. A happy person loves the comfort of modern life but what if that fades away for reasons we know not and events that we can never control, what then becomes of our happiness? A dog that eats its fill doesn’t want to do very much at all, it’s satisfied and would rather sleep all day, barking at burglars or being alert doesn’t work when you’re always asleep. Happy people find it hard to develop wisdom, they’re tired and too full to bother.

How often have you heard that Retirement is a transition? But have you noticed what’s required is a whole lot of change? Change is always going to be strenuous, we don’t want things shaken up too much, we resist it at every turn, you’ll notice that we have very little control over the outside world, so what’s one thing we can do?  Warmth spreads and strength springs up in us when we open up freely to a stranger or when we give generously, simply knowing someone is listening deeply gives us courage. If we sit humbly in the confessional box or pray quietly at home we begin to access a different part of our mind, the material needs drift away and the spirit enters. And, when you find a kindred spirit, the wars, the anger and frustration with people fade into the background. When we are heard we get a feeling of being deeply understood which brings us closer to God, it also reminds us who we are, it allows us to weigh things up, to get in touch with the feelings that no longer serve us. It’s then, that we can begin to forgive ourselves and others before it’s too late. Now is the time for us to surround ourselves with true friends that care and who can listen deeply.

We have been worrying far too long and it’s hollowed us out, shutting down is not an option and not effective but, ethical, heartfelt conversations are the opposite. Inspiration is everywhere, so take time out to find a new friend or an old one to talk to. What does it mean for you to ‘live well’ – the answer must become part of our planning for retirement. We need to understand that trauma in the world affects us even if we’re thousands of miles from strife. Learning to live well is facing up to feeling rejection, making friends with anger, knowing it’s alright to fail, not turning right or left but staying the course, being kind to ourselves we can rid our bodies and minds of the real doubt and then we can find the love we’re seeking. The science of change is here and now. Life is not a problem we must solve but the reality in our hearts that we must simply face every day.