I guess you’re wondering if that’s possible or even necessary when your considering finishing up you’re working life. One of the issues we face is our internal chatter and the gossip machine keeping us stuck in sticky emotional places. As mature adults, most of us would rather leave this rubbish behind. It’s tiring work and whether we notice it or not, the thoughts themselves are not that nice: “who’s in and who’s out” – “who’s going somewhere and who’s going nowhere” – “who’s invited and who’s not on the list” – is there any wonder we can feel dull-minded and aloof from those dearest to us. Is this the only game in town?
No matter our age we never stop questioning ourselves, what should I do: save more money, decide where to live, which restaurant is popular, am I good enough, how do I look, can I manoeuvre around that guy for a better job etc, the list goes on….But, we always stop short when it comes to assessing where we’re at. Can an extra dose of humility become an antidote for my prickly pride, destructive jealousy or angry outbursts? How then do we generate a strong commitment to true values in this world when everything seems adrift.
This could be your final battle. We search for God’s grace in times of battle, we hope to find spiritual guidance but we easily forget that our humanity is what ties us together. The actions of a single individual can impact the whole community and if we are looking the other way the entire world can break out into war. Tribes, countries, communities and different faiths all come together to shape our collective future, everyone is important and giving up on them is not an option.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”E.E. Cummings
Our struggle to find happiness is a lifelong pursuit, but we often fail to connect the dots, when we finally retire our continued happiness is intimately linked to the way we think about ourselves, am I comfortable in my own skin? This is not the image you project, it’s the real you, the vulnerable one hiding away. A negative self-image can cause us to falter just as an inflated one can, so, any negative thinking is a barricade to freedom. Our struggle has to do with this quiet inner battle, when we are victorious over anger, jealousy and desires we can begin to find a calmness that will stick aroun
Humans aren’t stupid, of course, we know these difficult unresolved feelings affect us and disturb the people we love most, regardless, we tell ourselves we can’t shift things with the result being isolation, we separate ourselves, which becomes the opposite of a happy place in retirement. This enormous pull created from the tide of our emotions means we get shoved all over the place, at times we’re totally out of control, why can’t we shake them off? The simple answer is, it’s easier to judge someone than to love them. Values do count.
We do our very best to not think too much about how we behave, our strategy is to turn away, especially if the uneasiness persists but there is another way. We can start the journey by diving deeper into the true meaning of ‘cause & effect’. Being careful of our speech and actions means developing a degree of awareness, mindfulness that asks “what am I thinking right now”. In our retiring years, we desperately want things to work out, but have you ever noticed your embarrassment when you’ve realised how badly you’ve behaved towards a friend or someone you care for. This embarrassment is a wonderful opportunity, it’s our chance to take responsibility and to create a sense of urgency in our personal space.
Thinking that ‘tomorrow “I can sort things out” is a huge mistake, it never works. Strengthening one’s commitment to truth, morals and ethical values is the key to really settling down in our sunset years. Sincerity, however, takes skilful action and practice, so delaying is not well-advised.
Much of this growth we’re discussing could be described as ‘beginners motivation’. Sometimes it takes a whole lifetime to get it right – to fully understand that the unease we cause others to feel comes back to bite us, it’s an unstoppable effect. Learning how to mitigate these effects becomes a very powerful behaviour in managing our lives. One of the biggest challenges in old age is that we have burned many bridges, often making it almost impossible to return to an earlier relationship that we still care about. We get stuck in our course of action and our proud sense of self stops us from turning back. If we were literally in a war, on the battlefield, then you would make a very poor commander indeed.
Beginners Motivation doesn’t mean you’re giving up a way of life, it’s getting unstuck from wrong thinking and it means that you’ve had a shift in attitude. It’s when we rise above our mundane pleasures that our motivation is finally revealed, seeking true religious, moral and spiritual values is like opening the curtains to see what’s going on behind the stage, to observe how the actors are preparing. A skilful performance means they will have worked very hard and achieved much, they know that a sold-out performance relies on practice, discipline and dedication, this is their purpose. They have discovered that sacrifice is required to achieve the right outcome and they have abandoned any behaviours that will sabotage success. Our unvirtuous actions do this to us all the time, regretfully to those we care about most. Our job, if we accept it, is to strengthen our aspirations, to open our hearts to devotional practice and to pray that we don’t contribute to any more wars.
