Friends, you can’t live with them and you probably can’t live without them. Either way, friends are essential for our happiness and above all, they help us reflect on who we are and the kind of life we wish to lead. Maybe it’s the right time for us to take a quick scan over the people that we surround ourselves with. Friendships are embedded in our social network and they become our connection to place, country and community. But, if that connection becomes strained over time, or even broken, our stability can suffer and we can even find ourselves set adrift from who we think we are.

As we age our circle of friends shifts around, often becoming smaller. Some friendships can span an entire lifetime whilst others simply come and go. We tend to lose touch with people that stop mirroring our values. Thankfully though, the wisdom of age can help us by establishing a better connection to the person we’re trying to become. After all, we’re looking for balance and don’t really want to delay growing up any longer than is absolutely necessary.   

The quest for balance is connected to remaining open to new life experience, regardless of how old you are : frivolity, sex, spiritual practice, adventure travel, philosophy, dancing, music or perhaps even experimenting with drugs are thankfully no longer off limits or limited to our teenage years but acceptable at any age. The stereotype of grandparents sitting at home waiting for something to happen is fading fast, so now the game is wide open. Meeting people and building close connections still requires social support but the choices of how to live your life and what society accepts or not, has opened up many more opportunities for retirees in 2021. 

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but look around in awareness”…James Thurber

Are you being lifted up or being let down by your friends? There is never a ‘right way’ to have a friendship and it’s time we started understanding that it’s ok for our closer friendships to change over the years, it’s normal. Even when discovering new friends or renewing ties with old ones, the challenge of how to sustain the friendship can be a complex emotional issue. A better grasp of your own communication style and what you believe is important can help in understanding what priorities you place on your friendships – how vulnerable do you want to be, what can you comfortable talk about without judgment, how often do you want to meet up and how equipped emotionally are you at dealing with the demands of certain friendships or ideologies that no longer serve you well, these questions can be worthy topics when you’re laying the groundwork for future or existing relationships.

But what of the romantic relationship. Is this the most important relationship one can possibly have? Everyone wants to experience love, but beware as you age, as confusion can arise when we stop valuing the very people that have shown us their genuine support and mutual trust over a long period of time. The story of Cinderella is imprinted into our psyche from an early age and if we get it wrong any potential romance could jeopardize these solid friendships without us really understanding what we’re about to let go of. Is this really love our friends may ask? 

It’s true that if you’re about to make an important life decision you probably shouldn’t be doing it if you feel angry, depressed or sad. We tend to get confused when we’re needy, not understanding that “what I want is not what I really need” –  it can lead to heartbreak in certain circumstances. This world offers no guarantees, if you are feeling dissatisfied with your life or your friendships then looking to find fault in others will only drive you deeper into an unsatisfying outlook of life. Time-out for reflection is the best remedy here. 

As the saying goes: birds of a feather will always flock together –  if your habit is always following the same flock to warmer weather and you notice it’s getting more of a struggle to do so, then perhaps you’re ready to re-evaluate if taking the trip is the right thing to do. Choosing to fly in the opposite direction against the flow and ending up somewhere different can present a fresh new outlook and, it could be the right medicine for opening up a host of new possibilities. Getting older doesn’t stop us from making new friendships but it’s important to note that our close connections will change the older we get, the trick is, we just have to stop long enough to notice it. Some friendships simply need to be re-wired or they burn out.

Humans will always need to be with other humans, it’s part of who we are, necessary for our health and well-being. The right friends help us to love ourselves and experience life more fully, the opposite of course is true, unsupportive, greedy or jealous friendships rob us of our vitality and ability to move into balance with life. As our years decline our choices are critical and great care needs to be taken in knowing exactly who you are surrounding yourself with, the wrong people can steal your dreams if you’re not fully awake. It’s important to know if you are running away from something or moving towards positive change, when we stretch our social ties it can have the effect of bringing new friendships into our life, ones that were previously hidden from us. The answer is important if your time is limited.

If you don’t like what you have created in your life then do not fear, it’s never too late to imagine a new you, your words, thoughts and your actions will get you there. This Pandemic has proved that the most powerful words are the ones you say to yourself. Finding the right friends could mean it’s time to light the fire of your deepest desires. The root of true friendship is being an individual, for only then can you be comfortable amongst others wherever you choose to fly. We all need to have a destination, but in choosing the right thing one must also reject another thing, that is, if you truly wish to arrive with any certainty.