Right from the start, our human nature presents us with an existential problem, it’s our basic and ever-present resistance to change. If you find yourself sweating over the small stuff then you’re probably swimming in a sea of emotions that are bubbling up from the murky depths of the pond, the mud is being stirred up by the worry and feelings of uncertainty regarding your immediate future. Wonderfully present is the fact that our knowledge continually increases over our lifespan to the point where we become experts in our chosen area of work and experience, it’s one of those nice feelings we’ve enjoyed for some time. But, have you ever wondered why suddenly you can feel irritated, even angry when unexpected obstacles prevent you from getting what you want?

It’s entirely possible that all those years of training you’ve put in thus far hasn’t fully equipped you for the tricky questions you’re facing right now. There are new challenges ahead and we need to develop better strategies if we wish to win this new battle. After the understanding dawns that we must start this new journey by first, giving up on our resistance to change, we can then begin the very necessary work of transforming our habitual fixed patterns to fit our new circumstances and what lies beyond.

Today I’m not writing on the generic issues facing us in retirement, they are available in other posts on my blog. Issues such as loneliness, social, economic and physical well-being can be front and centre for many of us right now but these issues are solvable, quite logical and by putting clear actions, good planning and the effort to follow through with your decisions you will certainly achieve a well deserved and balanced retirement.

 “Mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them.” Bruce Lee

Most everything we do interacts with the big picture we are trying to create, today’s post will explore how to overlook the fluffy stuff and look more at our own responsibility for choosing happiness in our lives. Happiness is not something you’re going to trip over on your way to the bathroom. You are the only true witness to your personal inner history, you have been standing guard at this door your entire life and here you are now, looking out into your future, so let’s find out what the big picture looks like?

We may, up until now, have had the luxury of time that allows us to delay the changes we know we must make but for one reason or other, have simply hated facing up to. For some of us, procrastination has become such an art-form that we can easily justify our in-actions, particularly when talking to ourselves. Retiring is about turning up, knowing what you have achieved is alright, it’s ok, it’s enough god damn it. It’s about feeling at peace with yourself, being content with the person you are, flaws, bumps, imperfections, moodiness and everything else in between.

Many retirees often speak of ‘filling in time’ – this is far from being a very tough question, it’s like a dark cloud that’s passing overhead and all we want to do is talk about when the blue skies and fluffy clouds will return. It’s maybe ok if your time is unlimited, but not really ok if our time is limited and we are now counting down the clock. Getting into the groove of retirement is not just about wanting to have your dreams finally, hopefully, may be fulfilled, and it’s certainly more than closing down shop and not wanting to be disturbed by all the external stuff going on ‘out there’.

If we wish to develop our fundamental well-being, that steady place we all desire to be, then we need to question the emotions, thoughts and feelings that we identify with. Are they still working for me ok, I better check that out.  If we’re not having the right relationships with the people we love, having compassion for those we don’t love and learning how to ask forgiveness from those we have harmed then we should go back to simply talking about fluffy clouds, it’s easier by far…however, those clouds lack substance and the blue skies are forever changing. We need inner strength to retire successfully and a small dose of wisdom always helps.

And so it is, that we create our own and unique path into the future, leaning into retirement gives us precious time for some much needed adjustments and like the humble little snail who’s nervous system is so undeveloped that it hardly even notices for several minutes that the obstacle standing in it’s way has actually been removed, we need to remove the obstacles in our own minds that hold us back, only then can we actually know what real choices are about and how to understand that one of those choices is happiness.